Chrissy Teigen has admitted she threw herself into making her third cookbook to avoid thinking about the loss of her son Jack.
The Cravings cookbook author announced in September last year that she and her husband John Legend had lost their child - who they were planning to call Jack - after the TV personality was hospitalised for excessive bleeding while pregnant.
Sharing a lengthy Instagram post on Sunday, Chrissy admitted she used her new cookbook and alcohol to distract her from addressing her grief.
"I'm slightly down lately. It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out 'my third baby is here!!', as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here," the 35-year-old wrote in the caption of a photo of her and John at the New York restaurant, Frank.
"Then I realized i threw myself into the book to not think of the real, actual third baby. I don't really feel like I fully processed jack and now that I don't have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just...there, waiting to be acknowledged. I guess what I'm saying here is life is so f**king complicated."
Chrissy, who has stopped drinking since the tragedy, also reminisced about their old life in New York "when things were simple", recalling how she'd go to the restaurant every Thursday for lasagna night and would sometimes "get day drunk by myself" at the bar, with her adding, "This is not a brag lol (laugh out loud) I was basically a functioning alcoholic."
Chrissy dedicates a page in her cookbook, Cravings: All Together: Recipes To Love, to Jack. The book is released in October.
The former model shares two children, Luna, five, and Miles, three, with the All of Me singer.
