With the many, many stereotypes out there when it comes to male sexual desires… Researchers have decided to finally get down to the bottom of what it is that men are looking for in sex.
Society loves to paint a picture that doesn’t quite match the actual male perspective when it comes to ‘getting it on’. With unrealistic references in pornography, and movies that lean in a little much on the “male gaze”, men have finally shared what they actually want from their sexual partners.
Sarah Hunter Murray, a relationship therapist and author, conducted a project based on interviews with 200 heterosexual men about their sexual desires. Ranging from 18-65 years of age, this study included both single and married men.
Here is what the participants had to say:
Men are not always in the mood to have sex
Sometimes sex just isn’t a number one priority when you have work, bills, kids, and everyday life stresses to worry about. Some men conducted in the project admitted that after they turned 40, they cared more about getting in their hours of sleep instead of being intimate with their partner. Life can take its toll, and that can sometimes come at the expense of your sex life.
Lack of emotional connection with their partner can impact their sexual desire
While the physical act within itself can be super technical, a strong emotional connection can make the experience that much more amazing. A lot of the men in this project shared that they lost interest in wanting sex if they were fighting with their partner or had a lack of emotional interest. Sometimes, the more vulnerable, the better.
Men don’t always want to be the ones to initiate sex
Like women, men want to feel wanted by their partners. Murray shared that an overwhelming number of participants in this project shared that they want their partners to initiate the first touch, kiss, move, etc. This small act can mean a great deal to men… So, why not give it a try!
A sexless marriage can tarnish a relationship
Most of the participants agreed that a sexless marriage can impact the emotional connection with their partner. When advances keep getting denied, they feel like they are missing out on being intimate. To ensure that you keep the connection and sexual interest strong and alive… Maybe start with rediscovering your sex language and work on how to get the flame going again.
Murray revealed to Today that she believes women ultimately need to be more open to men’s sexual advances: “[...] If we can leave a little more space for the fact that men get a lot of emotional connection, care and intimacy through sexual activity and leave a little bit more space to say, ‘Maybe he’s initiating sex because he wants to feel close.’”
For all the men out there reading this… Do you agree with the majority of these statements?